Light
by lilacsinthewinter
Summary: A Superman of a forgotten world hopes that his alternate self will learn to be happy. Oneshot for Clois 100 Challenge. Rated K plus for mild language. AU- Superman Returns/Kingdom Come comics crossover.


Author's Notes: Thank you to Htbthomas for being my beta! On with the story: Two Kal's here. Kal-L- The Superman from the "Kingdom Come" storyline in the comics. Check it out- each panel is hand-painted by a brilliant artist, Alex Ross. Plus, it's an epic story. Anyway, that came out quite a while ago. Recently, in the current issues of "The Justice Society of America" somehow the Kingdom Come Superman made it to the Earth of the current Superman. Confusing, right? He (KC Superman's) name is Kal-L while the Superman of the regular Earth is Kal-El. I won't be referring to him as that much, he'll be referred to as Superman. Also, the slight blurring between Kal and Kal's lives is intentional. Interpret as you will. Anyway- read on.

And of course, Superman is copywrighted by DC Comics, Inc. etc etc

**Twilight **

He saw her in the soft light of the bedroom, and suddenly a thousand memories came flooding forth from the dark depths of his mind. No this was not his wife. Yes, she looked just like the one he had wed so many years…seemingly eons ago. So to escape his Earth, his universe, was he put in hell instead? A place where his wife existed but was not his to love? It seemed that the fates still didn't like him too much. No, the reality was that this was a parallel Earth…his own, Earth 22, had been destroyed, made so that it never existed. He was the sole survivor of two destroyed worlds now-Krypton and his Earth, two homes taken away, ripped from under him. He had friends here, sure- the League and the Society had welcomed him with open arms, but the constant reminders of what he had made it just as unbearable.

But tonight he felt so alone. Alone and annoyed- and it was an annoyance slowly boiling into anger, perhaps even rage if he didn't keep himself in check. He continued to watch Lois as she tucked her son into bed, briefly glancing out the window to the inky sky. Of course she didn't see him, but he wouldn't forget the look in her eye, the disappointment and something more. The Superman of this Earth had not come to visit her and her…their son in about two months, Kal-L was keeping track, from a distance of course. He had met the Superman of this world, and they shared conversations; were civil and courteous to each other. But in reality, Kal-L wanted to beat the living daylights out of him, and then maybe his counterpart would get some sense into his head. Of course he knew it was not his place to judge the Superman of this world, his life was completely different than that of the Superman of Earth 22. But didn't Kal-El realize what he had? What he was giving up? The only woman he had ever loved gave him the greatest gift in the world, and instead of embracing a life with her and their child, he was giving it up because it was apparently the only way to keep them safe from harm.

"Staring at Lois again?"

Kal-L was momentarily surprised when he heard a voice next to him- he had been so lost in his thoughts that he hadn't even heard Superman fly up next to him. And judging from what he said, he apparently hadn't heard him all the times before either.

"I'm sorry. I…" He looked over at the man, the younger version of himself. Such a youthful, almost childish being…childish compared to his graying temples and lined face. And those eyes…full of hope, not one tiny bit of the despair or loneliness that Kal-L saw in his whenever he stood in front of the mirror. He looked up to see Superman had begun to fly higher and followed.

Of course, he's running away from them again, his mind mumbled.

"You never told me," Superman said with a kind gaze, "what happened to the Lois of…your wife."

Kal-L silently appreciated that he could at least have the decency to try to be careful with his wording. Now, it didn't matter. Yes. Lois, his Lois, was gone. Not mentioning it wouldn't change that fact. He took a deep breath.

"Murdered. I couldn't save her, I was…too late."

Superman nodded softly and looked down. Perhaps to steal a glance of his son?

"You could be with them, you know," Kal-L put a hand on his shoulder, "you can be there for them."

Superman shook his head, "No, I can't. I can't be there as a husband, and I certainly can't be there as a father. If someone were to find out my secret, or that Jason is half-Kryptonian-"

"But is it really worth it to live alone? Is it worth it to watch Lois as I do, longing and never able to have?"

Superman was quiet for a moment, looking in no particular direction as he seemingly contemplated what to say.

"On your Earth, did you and Lois have a child?"

Now it was Kal-L's turn to look away. They never tried to because they assumed it was impossible. But it apparently was…Kal-El had a son here. What would their life have been like? Would their children be murdered, just like their mother? Would he have been there for them? God…and if they had children and they had died, too… He shuddered to think of how he would have dealt with that. After all the people he loved died he had shied away from the public, living in the Fortress for years. His mind still in thought, he replied.

"No. But you can be there for them, you have what I didn't. Be there, protect them."

"Like you were there for Lois?"

The near rage Kal-L felt earlier came back like a flick of a switch, and he could feel his blood boiling til he could almost see it in his vision. Superman must have wished he had said it a nano-second later, but Kal wasn't going to let him apologize. He punched Superman square in the face. That whelp could think of what to say as an apology on his way to Russia. With one more quick look down at Lois, Kal retreated.

--  
**Daylight**

He remembered how sunlight would turn to moonlight in the bullpen, and how Lois would look radiant in both. Her pale skin would light up, and her beautiful bi-colored eyes would glint and send rays of light every which way. God…she was so beautiful, so amazing. High above the clouds, he watched the bullpen, which was ever bouncing with activity. People going this way and that, phones ringing off the hook, and the clacking of keyboards as people typed. He listened to Lois as she read off a list of crimes a shipping company was apparently responsible for, while her partner- her bumbling, shy partner- would mumble and acknowledge her every so often. Kal knew what it was like to have to keep his identity a secret from Lois, but he finally gathered the courage and told her one day. He knew he wasn't a coward for keeping his identity a secret, but it…wasn't ideal, if he wanted to be happy. Yes, Lois would be in a bit more danger, but nothing worth having was ever easy. That was what he wanted Superman to know. Yes, it was not going to be easy but Lois and her son needed a life with him, and whether he knew it or not, he needed a life with them or else he would never be happy. It should have been an obvious thing.

But when you're that young and naïve, you don't see all the options, just the one that stands out the most, Kal shook his head, listening to his thoughts.

Later in the day, Kal-L found Clark Kent in Centennial Park with a little friend- his son. God, Jason was a beautiful little boy. He looked alot like his mother, but had his father's eyes and jaw; he was a perfect mix of the two of them. He got closer to see the both of them standing on the side of a field, watching a person's kite high up in the sky. With his little hand securely in his father's large one, Jason asked a myriad of questions. Kal-L tuned in his hearing to the little boy's voice, chuckling.

"Couldn't you fly up there and see the kite up close?"  
"How high can you fly really?"

"Can we go flying soon?"

"How 'bout you take me AND Mommy flying?"

"Why doesn't Mommy know its really you?"

Kal-L's smile vanished when he heard the last question, and without hesitation he asked a question of his own.

"Yes, Kal-El. Why does your son know and not his mother?"

He suddenly met eyes with Clark's, who undoubtedly heard him, and was pretty angry from the look of him. Before he could walk over and get an answer, Kal-L stopped when he saw Lois walking up to Clark and Jason. Quickly getting out of the line of her vision, he watched the trio from afar. The sun was setting and the red-orange hue of the sun caught the natural red highlights in her hair. She always liked to stay fit and trim, and looked that and more in her favorite skirt and jacket outfit. The dark green color of the cloth offset her creamy skin and dark hair perfectly.

"You don't know what you're missing, Clark," he whispered, not caring whether he heard or not.

He couldn't tell because Clark was smiling and accepting a caramel latte from Lois- extra cream, extra sugar. He never really had to worry about cavities, plus caffeine didn't affect him but damn, it was good. He knew from memory that Lois always got her usual double espresso with extra sugar and no cream. He didn't know then and still didn't know how she did it…how could she drink such a strong drink black? He would have to ask Clark that sometime. He continued to watch and listen…

"Thanks for picking up Jason from school, Clark. I'm sorry for putting you in this situation…it's just that the lead I had on the ChemCorps story sounded so solid."

"Dead end, huh? Oh! And um, don't worry about it. Besides, Jason likes the park! Right?"

"Right!" Jason enthusiastically responded, then bounded off to the nearby swings.

"Jason, don't go too high!" Lois shouted after him as she seated herself beside Clark on a bench.

Kal-L guessed about what was going on in Clark's mind. Here he sat with his family around him, and they didn't even know. Jason knew Clark was Superman, but did he know that he was also his father? Lois had obviously not told him yet, though it seemed like her ex-fiancé knew. She and Richard broke it off about seven months earlier, he had found. She had moved into a small apartment near the Planet, not too far from the apartment complex where he and his Lois used to live. He had to give Clark some credit- he did help her look for the apartment, and helped her move in. He did watch Jason more often than not, but only as Clark. Superman had not seen Lois or his son in two months- how could he do that to them?

"Look, Smallville. I wanted to thank you…for everything. I know I've been a bitch lately, but I…well, I appreciate what you've done."

Clark gave her a cheesy grin, "Just doing what a friend would do."

She laughed and rolled her eyes, "Right."

Kal-L could hear her heart, and how it slightly accelerated when Clark just spoke. Wonder what that meant. But now her heart rate was accelerating even higher as she realized what seemed to be happening in slow-motion in everyone's eyes. Jason had swung forward and slipped off the swing by accident, and was about to hit the ground any second, and hard. Without thinking about it, Kal-L shed his civilian clothes and sped forward, catching the boy. He looked over to see a distraught Clark and a teary-eyed Lois, who grabbed her son out of his arms and held him close.

"Jason, honey are you okay? Didn't I tell you not to swing that high? God, I don't know what I'd do if anything ever happened to you!"

The two men- one man, one Superman- watched as the mother held onto her son, while the boy stared wide-eyed at Kal-L. Seemingly now ignoring his mother, it was inevitable he would ask:

"How are you Superman, too?"

Kal-L began to panic. What if Jason said something about Clark being Superman? More importantly, how would he introduce himself to Lois? Slowly, Lois acknowledged him with a look in her eyes mirroring her son's.

"I think I read that he's from another sort of dimension," Clark spoke up, his voice supported by an unusual amount of authority, "and that he's been working with the Society of Superheroes, since there's a Superman in the Justice League already."

Lois wasn't buying it.

"Yeah, well then how'd you get here? Why are you here? It's eerie how much you look like him. Wait…you guys do look alike! You're the older version…meaning that's how he'd look…" Her eyes widened even more, and she moved to sit down on the bench again. She looked up again-

"Are things the same for you on your world? The same situations? Hello? Do you even speak?"

Kal-L smiled at Lois' adorable rudeness. He'd come to like it the first year he and Lois began to work with each other.

"I don't know how I'm here, or why. And to answer your last question, no. Things were… different on my Earth."

"Well," Lois' eyes darkened, "I hope you're not as much as a jerk as the one here is."

Kal-L looked at Clark with a calm smile.

Told you you'd regret it.

**Twilight**

Clark had followed Lois and Jason home, seeing as how he only lived a couple of blocks away. Tonight he had cooked dinner for them- a simple recipe of baked chicken parmesan Kal-L remembered learning from his mother when he was a teen. Kal-L left them in peace after seeing that they made it home all right. In a weird sense, he felt that this was his family even though the man down there was himself…kind of. It was confusing, but he felt he had a duty to see to it that things were good for them. That they were happy. So far, that didn't seem to be the case. He came back later to see Lois and Clark on her small balcony, watching the city street many stories below. He'd done enough spying for today and was about to leave when he saw Lois step forward, wrapping her arms around Clark's waist. Slowly, he embraced her back, resting his chin just above her head. Kal-L wanted to say something, but didn't; not wanting to ruin the moment for either of them. He looked over to see the clouds had passed by the full moon, bright and white amidst many sparkling stars. Once again he saw it illuminate that beautiful woman in Clark's arms, remembering how he'd take his own wife out for a moonlight flight whenever he could. Even as their years together accumulated, she never tired or lost interest when he held her close and flew up into the sky. She was always thrilled to the core, laughing with sheer joy. He heard the same laugh just now as Clark said something to her, his hand combing through her curly hair. Kal-L suddenly smiled. Had he listened to him? Was he finally accepting the fact that he could be with her? Filled with hope, Kal-L flew off into the night sky.

**Morning Light **

Kal-L knew from 40 years of experience that Saturdays were just as busy in the bullpen as it was on the weekdays. He also knew from life's experience that he was up at the first crack of dawn everyday. Thus he wasn't surprised to see Superman flying high above Metropolis, soaking in the sun.

"I see you made some headway last night. Are you finally listening to me?"

Superman opened his eyes and smiled at him, "Still spying on me?"

Kal-L snorted, "No, I only spy on Lois. You, I couldn't care less about."

He enjoyed this light rapport they seemed to have at this moment, and took the opportunity to ask some questions.

"Did he find out by himself? Jason, I mean. About who you are?"

Superman nodded, "He apparently figured out the first day we met. A few days later, in private he asked me if I was also Superman. Well I obviously couldn't lie to my own son!"

"Would you have stayed if you knew Lois was pregnant?"

"God, absolutely! I was such a fool for going on that trip to where Krypton was…a damn fool."

Sighing, Kal-L turned to stare at the direction of Lois' apartment. She was already up and eating breakfast with her son. The entire kitchen area was lit up by bright morning sunshine, as if God were giving Superman a sign that that was where he was supposed to be, where his destiny lay.

"She's absolutely beautiful, isn't she? Even if she isn't much of a morning person?" Superman asked with a small laugh. "God, I find her beautiful even in the midst of her having the flu. And Jason… well I'm guessing he won't get the flu but-"

"What are you waiting for?" Kal-L interrupted. He looked over to see Superman was gone, and looked back to see Clark Kent knocking on Lois' door.

**Twilight**

Frustrated, Kal-L stayed away from Superman and Lois for a few weeks. Since their first official encounter, he had not seen Lois and figured she'd want to keep it that way; what with her situation with the Man of Steel. Superman himself had not seeked him out for a chat, or for help as he used to. His curiosity getting the best of him, Kal-L decided to see how they were doing. He did not find them at either of their apartments, but downtown in a little café. Lois had on that strapless dark blue dress that he loved. His wife had it for years and never failed to take his breath away whenever she wore it. It dawned on him quickly- they were on a date! He couldn't help but smile and express his happiness, saying out loud-

"Way to go, Clark."

Clark smiled as Kal-L laughed.

His happiness was shattered when later that night he heard Lois crying softly. With amazing speed he made his way to her apartment, finding her on the balcony. Clark stood far from her, on the opposite side of the area. He must have told him the secret. Their secret. He wanted so badly to fly down there and say something, but quickly judged that it would only make things worse. God, he hated seeing Lois cry. It wasn't often, but when it happened…things were not good. He knew how Clark was feeling- guilty, sad, angry at himself for telling her. But he also knew that Lois was strong, and would eventually come to terms with the situation. Knowing it would turn out for the best, Kal-L didn't stick around to see the aftermath.

**Daylight**

Giving them some time, Kal-L had high hopes for their situation. He was also amazed at how lonely he was way back in the beginning. He was basically watching his particular love story play out in front of his very own eyes. The feeling of wanting to protect them as if they were family was still there and slowly but surely the empty feeling dissipated. He listened for the familiar heartbeats and found them all in a different part of the city, in a different building than usual. With wide eyes he realized it was on 1938 Sullivan Avenue, the same place he and his wife lived at. He found the family in the kitchen, surrounded by sunlight as usual. Jason sat at the table, swinging his legs and laughing at his parents, who were currently in a gentle liplock. Huh. Looked like Lois has forgiven him.

"So you finally listened to me, huh?"

Kal-L watched as Clark looked straight up at him, smiled, said something to Lois and then was in front of him in seconds.

"No, Kal-L, I didn't."

He was confused, "What do you mean? You obviously have told Lois your secret and are living with them."

"And are engaged, by the way," Superman smiled, "I mean that you said I should have a life with them as Superman, which I obviously couldn't. But as Clark Kent, I could. It was obvious that Superman hadn't seen Lois Lane in a while, people could tell by the lack of exclusives in the Daily Planet. That way, I could throw off any notion of Superman being close with Lois again. And then as myself I realized the act was not worth it, and that I had to be with Lois and Jason as my true self. Besides, Jason already knew half the truth and I owed him the truth and more. So really- why are you smiling like that?"

Kal-L shook his head, "You word- twisting bastard. Who knew that Superman could be such a jerk?"

**Twilight**

Content with how things had turned out, Kal-L decided not to watch them anymore. Should Superman need to talk to him, he would gladly accept his company. But now the relationship did not need to be monitored. Jason Lane had his father, and Lois Lane had a husband that loved her as equally as she loved him. Kal-L flew by the moon, enjoying its soft light when he felt a familiar feeling. It was a similar feeling to what he felt when he was somehow transported to this world from his own. He looked down to see that slowly but surely, his form was disappearing. Eventually, Kal-L was part of the moonlight, ever shimmering. He looked over to see the one woman he thought he'd never see again. She smiled.

"Lois."


End file.
